What the past three years have taught me

A lot has happened.

June 30 marked three years since I left my old career in publishing. Three years and two months since I had made an impulsive decision to quit said job. Three years of joy and challenges, laughter and tears, of discovery and learning, adventure and coming home. 

The day after I left my job, I was driving and listening to Clare Bowditch's album The Winter I Chose Happiness. As I listened to the words 'are you ready yet ... to be happy?' came through the car speakers I broke down into tears.

Yes, I was ready to be happy. Yes, it was the winter I chose happiness. Happiness being creating the lifestyle, career and way of being that I wanted. 

I watched five seasons of Game of Thrones in that first month (it was intense, but I needed the downtime to decompress). I built my website and then waited for the clients to roll in. They didn't. I had to learn how to promote myself in a way that felt good to me. I discovered that the thrill of being able to work from my bed was balanced out by loneliness. I missed the company of my work friends and, sick of my own company, would pounce on my housemates when they got home from work. 

I went on a holiday to Europe and felt relaxed and free. You can see the change in my face from before I quit my job. I chose to go on Remote Year, resulting in a massive clean-out of my belongings. I was shedding my old self. 

Remote Year wasn't for me. I came home six months earlier than expected, sad about it not having been the experience I thought it would be and confused about what I wanted. I withdrew from the world slightly and did an intense amount of inner-work. Six months prior I had cleaned out my wardrobe; now I was cleaning out my soul. 

In time I reemerged. A butterfly from a cocoon, a phoenix rising from the ashes (choose your favourite metaphor). I discovered the joy of running workshops, of creating and holding space for people to go through their own personal discovery and transformation. 

For most of my life I put a lot of stock in external achievements. It's part of my Capricorn nature to strive and reach the top. The past three years has stripped that back somewhat and I have discovered the beauty and balance of being and doing. I haven't won any awards or been able to point to my achievements in any tangible way. But I have to say, these past three years, with all of the ups and downs, have been the most rewarding of my life so far. 

During the past three years I have laughed until I couldn't breathe, and shed more tears than I imagined a human could produce. I've experienced heart-soaring highs and dark lows. I thought about giving up many times, but I kept on going. I have grown in confidence, seen the true force of my inner-strength, become more self-aware.

I have studied different belief systems and modalities and taken from each what works for me. I have met amazing people, hiked up a rainbow mountain, won Best Actress in an obscure web film festival for this short film, discovered how much love and support there is in the world from both people I know and strangers, and learnt that in the end everything works out. You just need to let go of your own expectations and trust that it will. 

So, what have the past three years been like for you? Email me and let me know—I'd love to hear your story. 

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